On Monday Feb 11th my Father passed away in a fatal car accident. He was 63 years old and could have possibly had a heart attack, we will never be sure. The police reported that he was killed instantly and for us that is a comfort.
Here is how the conversation with my mother went...
Me: “Hi Mom”
Mom: “Where are you?”
Me: “In my kitchen”
Mom: “You need to get by yourself, I have bad news to tell you and you are going to want to be alone to hear it”
Me: “how bad?”
Mom: “BAD”
Me: “Okay, I’m by myself, sitting down....I’m ready”
Mom: “Your dad was killed today in a car accident”
That conversation will be forever seared into my memory, after that it’s pretty much a blur. There were details she told me that I had to re-ask about later because I had no idea what she really said.
I have been crying since I heard the news. It is just so shocking that someone can be here one minute and gone the next. How can it be that I can not pick up my phone and call him? It is nearly incomprehensible. I was however given a gift last week and that is what I really wanted to share with everyone because it speaks of the kindness of our Lord.
God often speaks to me in my dreams. One week before my Father died I had a dream about him. I could not remember the dream but I woke with a heavy burden to call him and tell him that I loved him and appreciated him and that I was glad he had been my father. It took me three days to do it but the burden was so heavy that the thought ran through my head, “if my father dies this week and I didn’t call and tell him, I will regret it for the rest of my life”.
On Wednesday Feb 6th I talked to my dad for the last time. I cried on the phone while I told him what a good father he had been and how grateful I was that he had been my dad. I thanked him for being a good dad and for always being there at all my basketball games as a kid and that sort of thing. I have never really had that kind of conversation with my dad, I am so glad I did it! He told me how proud he was of me and my sister and the lives we have chosen. He told me how happy he was with both the men we chose to marry. He also expressed how thankful he was for the marriage he has had with my mother for 36 years. We talked for about an hour and if you have to have a last conversation with your father without knowing he will be gone in a few days, I had it.
Even though his death came as a shock to us, I am certain it was no surprise to the Lord. The Bible says that not one sparrow falls to the ground with out His knowing. My dad’s passing was in God’s timing, I’m certain of it. He gave me the gift of the dream and my last conversation for my comfort. The Holy Spirit being our comforter has never been more real to me. I am so thankful for the kindness of our Lord. I cried for a few hours that first night and after finally getting to sleep I woke up at 3 in the morning with a strong peace overwhelming me. Either the Lord was speaking it or my imagination was running but either way I felt the Lord tell me that he had my dad. He said my dad had a place of honor and was one of God’s chiefs, governing. I thought that was very fitting. My dad cared more about the Lord than anything else. My sister and I joked about him being up there getting all of his questions answered. He was working on his masters in apologetics, I suppose he has it now.
I will miss my dad an incredible amount in the years to come, but I am so happy for him that he’s finally home. I imagine him young and vibrant and as alive as ever. It will be a grand reunion to see him again.
We will be having a memorial service for him in a few weeks in Oklahoma. I am looking forward to seeing everyone and celebrating his life. Here is one of my favorite pics of him.
